This is NOT Sexual Consent!

From: http://thefreshxpress.com/2010/04/sexual-consent-kiely-williams-ur-doin-it-wrong/

SEXUAL CONSENT???? YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG!!!



Fine. If you want to “blame it on the alcohol,” fine, but don’t try to convince me, Miss Kiely Williams, that it’s a GOOD thing to have sex while in a blackout with some dude you don’t know. Maybe Kiely, being a youngin’, doesn’t know what a blackout is, which is why I’m so perplexed by her song (and video) for “Spectacular.”

I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic who experienced blackouts and none of them sounded fun, let alone an environment where she could have consented to anything. Nothing like waking up wondering how your car ended up in a field or how you even got home last night and hoping you didn’t hurt anyone or do anything crazy while you were completely out of it. Someone could/can do anything to you in a blackout. Kill you. Rape you. Beat you senseless. Take your money. Dump you in a ditch. Whatever. That’s what a blackout is. Where you are so drunk that you are in danger of just dying from vomiting.

Hence why I’m confused by her song “Spectacular” where she sings that the sex was great EVEN THOUGH SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER IT! She doesn’t remember how she got there in the song. She doesn’t remember if he used protection. But it was “Spectacular!?” Get it? Even though she doesn’t remember what the hell just happened, it was the bomb. Um … noooooooooo! You’re not describing a fun evening out. You’re describing the sex scene at the beginning of in the film “Rules of Attraction” where Shannen Sossamon gets vomited on while being raped while she was blacked out.

From The Sexist:

A music video has emerged for Williams’ ode to extremely memorable sex you won’t remember the next day, “Spectacular.” (Thanks to commenter KiaJD for the tip). Behold, the eroticization of the drunk girl!

In “Spectacular,” Williams sings:

Last I remember I was face down
Ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off
Even though I’m not sure of his name
He could get it again if he wanted
Cause the sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular

In the video, Williams is a** up, clothes off and very much awake as she performs a sexy and fully enthusiastic dance to lyrics about her being asleep while a man she doesn’t know has (spectacular) sex with her. In the dance sequence, Williams expresses how being a passed-out recipient of “sex” made her feel—she felt sexy, confident, daring, and in control. Our drunk-sex researchers chalked up a woman’s preference for intoxicated sex to body issues. Williams, apparently, just thinks it’s hot.

I’d never heard of this Kiely person so I googled her and dear Lord she’s a former Cheetah Girl (*clutches pearls*) which means some impressionable tweens-now-teens who liked Kiely when she was on the Disney plantation singing about love, friendship and consumerism might actually listen to this trash and think is completely cool to be the wasted girl in the club. It’s not cool, honey. Neither is an STD or getting raped in a blackout by some guy you don’t know. Maybe in Kiely’s fantasy world, it’s some dude who could “get it again,” but considering how at the end of the song she flees out of his house in embarassment to do the “walk of shame,” even she can’t seem to fully embrace her stance of “Yay! I’ve been treated in a disposable and dangerous way! And it was SPECTACULAR!”

Gurl, gurl, guurl! What is wrong with you?

From Kiely’s YouTube page after folks started to ask this question:

The fact is, that sometimes women get intoxicated and have unprotected sex. My video puts this issue front and center. It is absurd to infer or suggest that I am condoning this behavior. Are Lady Gaga and Beyonce advocating murder with the Telephone video? Of, course not. Was Rihanna encouraging suicide with Russian Roulette? No. Was Madonna suggesting that young unmarried girls get pregnant with Papa Dont Preach? I dont think so. Is Academy Award winner Monique a proponent of incest because of her portrayal of Mary in the movie Precious. Clearly, the answer is no.

I wrote Spectacular and made the video to bring attention to a serious womens health and safety issue. Dont shoot the messenger.

Oh. OK. Then, message fail. That was not what I got from the song or the video. I got some mixed messages of “I’m proud of being irresponsible and kinda OK with date rape! But don’t judge me because the sex was spectacular!” Gaga and Beyonce were referring to Tarantino films and screenplays and trying to be cheesy and ironic. Rihanna was using Russian Roulette as a “metaphor,” and definitely didn’t sound happy at any point in that song about dysfunctional relationships. Madonna was singing how she was desperate and in trouble in “Papa Don’t Preach” and how she needed her father’s support in a difficult decision. And Monique was acting out a character from a book who was MESSED UP. Nobody wanted to the BE Monique’s abusive mother character. I’m sorry. I just didn’t pick up the “depth” you were going for while you were gyrating in hot pants singing about the bliss of a blackout. You didn’t sing it with any irony. You didn’t add any depths about how demoralizing, devastating, humiliating a blackout that lead to unprotected sex can be. You can’t make a song about date rape and call it “Spectacular” and pretend like it’s a “message” song and never actually say how SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE! If a LOT of people are not getting that it’s a message song that means you failed, not the audience.

And please don’t compare yourself to Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Beyonce, Monique or Madonna. You’re not in the same ballpark, league or field as them. Because, you know? People actually GOT what they were going for and didn’t label them as rape apologists.

That being said …

I wouldn’t suggest anyone do anything while in a blackout, male or female. It’s just horrible. And if you experience blackouts with any frequency, you probably need help for that alcohol addiction. And there is NOTHING romantic or sexy about alcoholism or having sex that you can’t remember the next day. And, dear Lord, menfolk, don’t have sex with the completely bombed out girl! What are you thinking? Drunk does not equal yes. Drunk equals drunk and could equal a rape charge or a really nasty STD or kids you cannot afford with some chick you don’t even know. People cannot consent to things when they are drunk! Not to sex. Not to a business deal. Not to a ham sandwich. Not to ANYTHING. They are drunk! And they *might* not feel that “spectacular” afterwards. They might feel like calling the police